I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
