did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
