And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
