apparently the secret to your success is patron
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
