I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
