Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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