dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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