the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i think i have two assholes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
