This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ugly people sure do ruin things
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
