I wish my penis had an off switch
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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