there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
