i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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