Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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