i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
