soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
