remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
