On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
