Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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