As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
