We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You need a sexual gate keeper
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize