As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
