Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
