you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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