we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
