Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
