when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
