Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
