When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
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