all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
