no one should ever give us hovercrafts
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
