my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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