1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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