i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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