Only a mothe r could love this liver
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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