Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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