Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
