He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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