Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
