We got so high we made milksteak
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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