Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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