I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
being pregnant is like rehab
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
