So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
