Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
