I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
