some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
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