she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
