I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize