He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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