Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
