just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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