Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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