hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
