No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
