A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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