if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
