My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
