somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
