also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
