I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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