you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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