If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
