I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
