I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
