hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize