I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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