The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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