Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
