dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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