Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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