I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
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