I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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