i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
