I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
