we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
