I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
