I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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