i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We got so high we made milksteak
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize