Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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