Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
