WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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