just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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