They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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