You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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