im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
