I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
