Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
