I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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