can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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