I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
