is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
