is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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