He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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