woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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