it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
