I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize