I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
