It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
