I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
