I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
