Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
