my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
