I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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