He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
