Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize