I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
