TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
