Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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