morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
