Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
